a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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