I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
