ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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