she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
