Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
