I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
