that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
