Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
