Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize