well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
