batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
