You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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