that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
