the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
