I wish I could teleport
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
