I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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