i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
