dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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