i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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