Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
