kristin has been a bad kristin
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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