The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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