Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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