Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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