the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
