Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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