Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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