Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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