): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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