K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
