It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Found your dick twin last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
