im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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