He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
