Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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