If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
