found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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