The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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