sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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