Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
