just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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