You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sorry about my life...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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