i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
