Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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