my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
