what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
