OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
