Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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