I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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