OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Mom said you looked used
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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