I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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