i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
