Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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