I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My bed smells like the plague
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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