Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All I want is dick and wine.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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