It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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