I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
