Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
