Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
