Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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