I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
