Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We're too hungover to prance.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
