i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
