i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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