he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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