If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
