I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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