ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
